friends, simply by not wanting to be hated I was forced to try to be ... well, normal. As a man I feel about as normal as you, an average man, would feel dressed as a woman and standing in front of an auditorium full of people. At least you wouldn't feel so smugly normal there.

"I'm sorry. I've no reason to call you smug. I guess I've built up quite a defensive wall.

“Anyway, I pushed myself into the mold we're all supposed to fit you know, the W.A.S.P., fraternity brother, sports minded, and so forth ad nauseum. Though I hated the role I must have done a good job. By the time I left high school I was well liked by all but the few who remembered me as a sissy in grade school. All in all I was quite popular.

"In college the guys in my dorm had no idea they had a real live girl living with them. One of the boys was expelled from the school for homosexuality. We had been fairly close friends before before he was caught. I'm sure he would have propositioned me if my femininity had shown through. But I never had any idea he was queer until I heard it from some of the other boys.

"Nobody even noticed the feminine streak in me. I'm sure it was still there, but it was well hidden.

"By my junior year I was on top in popularity. I was the class vice president, on the debating team, and deans list, and so lonely and hollow inside that I was planning to kill myself.

"But I did not kill myself that time. During my senior year I met a girl. Fay was the first girl I'd liked as more than a friend. Of course I had dated before, but just to keep up appearances. Oh, I had always loved to sit and talk with girls, and I had never seemed to have any trouble attracting them. But, until then, I had never really loved a girl. Fay was the first girl I'd wanted to be with, rather than be.

"She was such a compassionate girl. You could just sense it about her. She had none of the thick callous skin most of us try to protect ourselves with.

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